Well as you know, MissMostyn has arrived! Whilst in hospital I tried breastfeeding and this time around we did manage it! I was so pleased!
However I still couldn’t get the positioning right on my own and so depended a lot on the midwives to help.
By Sunday evening i was exhausted because MissMostyn would cry whenever I put her down. She wanted to be on me constantly. I cried so much and got myself into such a state that I couldn’t think of breastfeeding her and having no sleep.
So after a discussion with hubby we decided to opt for bottle feeds again. It doesn’t seem to have done any harm to Little Miss.
When I told the midwives about my decision they said that they were there to support me whatever my decision was but that I should remember the benefits of breastfeeding.
After coming home my milk supply appeared. Holy shit I have never had anything so painful in my life! (That’s a lie – childbirth was way more painful!).
I debated about trying to breastfeed again to try and ease the pain. Also whenever I hold MissMostyn to me she wiggles her way down to my chest. I think she probably would take to it well.
I’ve suffered the guilt of her looking at me wanting food. I feel like such a bitch denying her what she should be getting.
And I know I’m being selfish. Completely selfish. But the truth is, I’m happier now that I’ve made the decision. And I firmly believe that a happy mami makes for a happy baby!
You know what, she seems happy enough with bottles and is feeding brilliantly! Hubby can help with the bottles so we both can get some sleep.
So why am I still feeling guilty?